A vigil for the start of Domestic Violence Awareness Month was held Monday evening, Oct. 3, in Meetinghouse Park in Farmington. Pictured from left are Safe Voice Training Coordinator Danielle Eaton, Farmington Police Chief Kenneth Charles, UMF DIrector of Campus Safety Project Alex Warner, and UMF freshmen Trinity Slate of North Anson, Ally Richards of South Portland and Bryophyta Livsey of Billerica, Massachusetts. Pam Harnden/Livermore Falls Advertiser

FARMINGTON — A vigil was held in Meetinghouse Park Monday, Oct. 3, to kick off Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

“Every year on the first Monday in October we gather to come together in a small community and talk about domestic violence, remember the folks that we have lost in our community and to think about ways that we can all make a difference,” Rebecca Austin, director of advocacy intervention and prevention services at Safe Voices, said. “This year we are talking about domestic violence awareness a little bit differently, looking at actions and looking at ways that we are not just raising awareness and talking about these issues, but how we as individuals – how are we taking action.

“I have been a Farmington resident for a really long time, 20 years. One of the things I love about this community is that we are a really close-knit community. We have amazing community partners we are fortunate to have to work with all the time.”

Domestic violence, also referred to as domestic abuse, is a pattern of coercive behavior in which one person attempts to control another through threats or actual use of physical violence, sexual assault, and verbal or psychological abuse, according to the Safe Voices website. In the past year, Safe Voices – with offices in Auburn, Farmington, Rumford and South Paris – has provided support services to more than 1,600 victims of domestic violence. In the United States, one in four women – 25% – and one in seven men – 14% –  report experiencing some form of violence at the hands of an intimate partner at some point in their life, the website notes.

When Austin first started working for Safe Voices, Wilton Police Chief Heidi Wilcox worked at the Sheriff’s Office and was one of the first officers she worked with, Austin said. In September Wilcox announced she would be stepping down from her current position to focus on family.

Wilton Police Chief Heidi Wilcox speaks at a vigil for Domestic Violence Awareness Month Monday evening, Oct. 3, at Meetinghouse Park in Farmington. Pam Harnden/Livermore Falls Advertiser

“Domestic violence is so important to everything that happens in our community,” Wilcox said. “It affects everyone we know whether you are a victim, a survivor [or] have seen it. It will affect you because it affects people you know. We all know it’s happening. It affects kids in school, our elderly is a huge target group now, it affects everyone around us.”

Everyone needs to be part of the solution, Wilcox stated. “It is really important to have this conversation, know that I support you with my whole heart,” she said. “Every time we work together as partners, it could be anything. I have been called in for opiates, it’s not one thing it’s all of it together. I’ve had three human trafficking cases. One was a kiddo who was actually out of the state. It was not about sexual exploitation, not about drug abuse, not about domestic violence – it was about all three. That kiddo wanted to leave under any circumstances.

“It matters. All of these things fit together. All of these things we do together to find solutions, all of us working together to help resolve that – wherever we can, whatever ways we can.”

Individuals will probably have more impact in their lifetimes regarding domestic violence than a police chief because people aren’t going to talk to the chief, Wilcox stressed. “People at the beginning stages are not willing to share with anyone else and you might be that only person they trust. Be there for whatever they need.”

Wilcox shared the story of a woman from another country who came to the area with a man she met, also from another country. “She didn’t speak English, he kept her confined in a home, controlled [her] and there was domestic violence going on,” Wilcox said. “There was a newborn baby, she had no one she could reach out to, she didn’t have a visa card. That happened here in Franklin County. We ended up getting her out of that house, the federal government helped us, domestic violence partners helped us. A nurse at the hospital kept tabs on her, she is now living in another home in North or South Carolina.

“She got her citizenship. Because she was a victim of domestic violence the federal government stepped in to help. Wonderful things have happened in her life, she has changed that situation. Her kids aren’t going to grow up that way and it is all because everything worked the way it should. It was a wonderful thing.

“If there is ever anything any of us can do, then reach out. If the person you reach out to doesn’t answer or help you, don’t stop. Reach out somewhere else. Just keep reaching out until you get an answer and you are safe.”

Safe Voices, SAPARS [Sexual Assault Prevention And Response Services], and the Franklin County Children’s Task Force are organizations Farmington Police Chief Kenneth Charles has worked with in his career. “The Task Force has some of the best leaders in the State of Maine and the region for the work they do for families and citizens here in the area,” he said. “They have really created best practice programming to make a difference and really help people.”

While working for the Sheriff’s Office before becoming Farmington Police Chief, Charles said his primary responsibility was victim-centered crimes – child abuse, sexual assault, some of the worst domestic violence cases.

“Over my almost 20 years in law enforcement and even before that in emergency medical services, I have heard the stories from victims and survivors,” he noted. “I have helped treat injuries. I have gotten people care for some of the worst case scenarios ….

“As an observer I understand what the domestic violence problem is. I understand it from a different way than many people do.”

The last three years have been challenging for law enforcement with staffing issues [being] one factor, Charles noted. “I am dedicated to hiring the right people,” he said. “People who are empathetic, people who will listen, take these sex crimes seriously and really do everything within their power to make a difference in someone’s day or life.”

Farmington saw 32 domestic violence incidents in 2019, 52 in 2020 and 70 in 2021, Charles reported. The numbers so far this year far exceed those, which is really sad, he said.

“People’s mental health is not as well taken care of as it has been, the drug situation has escalated far beyond anything that I could have conceived when I was doing drug work back in the day,” Charles said. “Then it was prescription narcotics, now it is fentanyl, methamphetamines and the prevalence is just unbelievable. Alcohol has always been a problem.

“Substance abuse is not the cause of domestic violence but it is a factor. There is plenty of domestic violence that happens with no involvement with substances. Domestic violence is about relationships. It is about the way that people treat one another.”

The mission statement of SAPARS – Listen, Support, Believe – applies to everyone, Charles said. “That is what I want my officers to do, that’s my expectation,” he noted. “That’s the training that I am giving them. The only way we get involved is when someone picks up the phone or someone pulls us aside.

“The most important piece is what are we doing for each other. Keeping an eye out for each other, watching for clues, taking advantage of the education, hearing a piece of information that might make you look at a circumstance in a much different light and identifying those situations before they become a worst case.”

Charles spoke of a case in Dexter, the town his wife grew up in. “There was a horrible situation, involved the wife and children,” he said. “We can try to remember on a day like today what they experienced, the impact it had on the community.

“Speak up if there is something you want to give a heads-up on. You can start triggering that attention in a given situation and hopefully intervene before something awful happens.”

“We come together every year on the first Monday in October to remember survivors and to honor what they have experienced and to recommit ourselves individually and as partners to show up for survivors every day,” Austin said. “How we can make their situations and their lives and their communities safer.

“We are all impacted by division in our communities and there are so many ways that folks can get engaged and create change within your small community or within the broader community.”

Charles thanked Safe Voices for their work. “For me to be able to pick up the phone and call the middle of last week to have emergency services for two victims who are now going to be survivors is just unbelievable,” he said.

“If we could do one thing it’s put more money into the Task Force,” Charles said. “Because that is what we need to do – change the way we are raising the next generation, the opportunities that we are giving them.

“To me that is primary prevention. Then we are out of a job but isn’t it worth it? That is the goal.”

The Safe Voices helpline is 1-800-559-2927.