Man the banana boats!
It has come to my attention, via a certain wife who just haaaaas to have ice cream whenever she wants it, that in Auburn, the Dairy Queen on Minot Avenue sits directly across the street from Fielder’s Choice, which is also an ice cream joint. This kind of thing is bizarre to me — why build your business across the street from a competitor? I expect this out of the big guys like Walgreens and CVS, but come on, you sell ice cream, you’re supposed to be good humored. With all that in mind, I fully expect that we’ll witness true ice cream wars, with one side catapulting peanut buster parfaits (hold the cherry, please) across Minot Avenue, only to get hit by return fire in the form of frappes, floats and freezies. I gotta give the advantage to Fielder’s Choice since they have a meaner looking arsenal with things like Muddy Cleats, The Papi and The Wind Up. I might list items from Dairy Queen’s armory as well, but their website menu is down at the moment and I don’t feel like putting any more work into this. From personal experience, though, I figure a Blizzard would freeze Muddy Cleats in their tracks every time.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be
So some weasel used my email address to sign me up with a bunch of financial loan services, the result being that I got a Netspend credit card in the mail I did not ask for. Apparently this is a longtime scam. They send you the card in hopes of tricking you into activating it. Well, I’m no fool, mister. Once that pontoon boat and those go-carts are delivered, I’m canceling the card. So take that!

Up, up and away, perhaps
Say, do you get the feeling that it’s windier around these parts than it used to be? It makes me want to get out there and fly a kite just like I used to in the olden days. I really should, given so many people, apparently concerned that I don’t have enough hobbies, are always telling me to do so.

Nosedive
By the by, the last time I flew a kite, a so-called friend shot it down with his bow and arrow and the thing came down mangled in a barbed wire fence. So you can plainly see why I weep openly every time the spring winds start to blow.

It’s all done with interjections these days
Don’t you think that starting a sentence with “say,” as I did above, makes a person sound smarter and more sophisticated? It’s like adding “and whatnot” to the end of a statement to make it appear that you have even MORE knowledge on the given subject. I might even peel off an “ergo” or a “hence” now and then, too, just to appear that I know a thing or two when in fact, I don’t.