Talk of the Town Ernie Anderson

Just stop …
Why is Kamala Harris still sending me emails? I kind of understood the onslaught when she was still in the running, but now that it’s over? What do you want from me, Kamala? I can’t send you money because I spent all mine on eggs and gasoline. You’ve got to love politicians. They make your life as hard as possible and then send you notes describing how tough THEY’VE got it.

Tyson vs. Paul
Oh, I definitely don’t want to talk about this “boxing match,” so I’m not real happy that you’ve brought it up. Call me a conspiracy theorist if you want to, friend, but that bout looked to me like a poorly performed script. To my eye, the whole scene looked like Iron Mike Tyson trying real hard not to kill a guy, and Jake Paul, whomever that is, hoping with all his might that Iron Mike wasn’t going to change his mind about that whole no killing thing.

The Streisand Effect
Well, now I’ve done it. In a column I wrote on Wednesday, I used a snippet of Streisand lyrics just because I thought it would be hilaaarious. I really only know that one song by the lady and I was perfectly OK with that. But now, some well-meaning music enthusiast has sent me a link to a pretty hefty catalog of Streisand songs and now I’ll have to listen to them just to be polite. My big concern: What if I LIKE them? I just don’t think I could handle that big a life transformation.

Your favorite restaurant is the best!
In the same column, about some local places and things that people miss the most, I listed a whole bunch of restaurants and diners that have fallen by the way over the years. The result is that now a whole bunch of people are angry about the restaurants I DIDN’T list, to the point where I think I’m going to have to go into hiding for a while. I want to extend my deepest apologies specifically to Heartland restaurant and a place called Happy Jack’s. My shame is great and it won’t happen again.

Nope-stradamus
I see now that my prophecy for the 2nd Congressional District runoff was incorrect and that Austin Theriault didn’t prevail as I had portended. I apologize to both candidates for this miscalculation. In reviewing my notes, it appears that the error was a problem of mathematics. I forgot to carry the 2, solve for X and put I before E or something. It’s all very scientific. I think there were gerunds involved, too. Gerunds have never been friends to me.